


Closure

by ShamelessFan430



Category: Shameless (US), gallavich - Fandom
Genre: Bipolar Ian, Domestic Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Hurt Ian, Hurt Mickey Milkovich, M/M, Mickey Uses His Words, Sad Ian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamelessFan430/pseuds/ShamelessFan430
Summary: Mickeys been out of prison for a year now and hasn't heard from Ian, until one night his phone rings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will have more than just this chapter! I'll have more up really soon!

It has been a year since Mickey got out of prison and he hadn't spoken to Ian. Mandy still briefly spoke to Ian and Mickey was informed on certain things. He knew Ian had his life together and also that he had been burned by Ian too many times to count. It wasn't until he got a random call at midnight that things took a turn for the worst.

Mickey was shuffling around in bed trying to find his obnoxiously loud phone. He hadn't remembered the last time he had even checked the damn thing, Mandy just insisted that he had a phone so she could check in, which she rarely did.  
The sound of the ringtone was practically melting Mickeys eardrums at this point, he got out of bed and started to throw the pillows and blankets around until PLOP the phone fell on the floor and by that time it had stopped ringing.  
When Mickey picked the phone up it was a number he didn't even have saved, he didn't even recognize it.  
"Fucking telemarketers" Mickey mumbled to himself and got back into bed.  
Suddenly the phone started to ring again and Mickey decided to answer, it was late and he couldn't figure out why someone would be calling this late.  
"Hello" Mickey shouted into the phone half aggressively mostly tired.  
"Mickey?" was the only thing that came out from the other side and Mickey knew that voice all too well.  
"What the fuck" he whispered under his breath.  
" I know, and I'm sorry" was all Ian said shakily.  
All that came to mind for Mickey to say was "What do you want me to do?" 

Ian swallowed hard and responded dryly, "meet me."  
"No fucking way" Mickey said full of anger. Mickey was hurt still, it had been several years and he was still hurt. He had never even been with another person because he figured it wouldn't compare, Ian Gallagher ran his entire life and he wasn't sure how to change that.  
"Closure" Ian spoke in a low tone.  
What Mickey didn't realize was that Ian was holding onto him for his entire life too, damaged not as bad as Mickey but still royally fucked.  
Mickey wanted to scream right there, he wanted to tell Ian about all the times he wanted to end it all in prison, how he was abused by other inmates, how being a deadbeat dad to Yev hurt him more than anything, how Ian completely broke him as a person.

Instead Mickey hung up. He hung up the phone and started to cry. This wasn't your normal cry either it was a genuine sob. The kind of cry you have when you've been holding everything in, in this case Mickey was releasing YEARS of pent up pain. Just hearing Ian's voice sent him spiraling into memories of what was and also what could've been. Mickey was crying so hard that he couldn't breathe and he wanted to throw up, he was embarrassed as if someone was watching, he never let himself get this way. Mickey knew it wasn't healthy to hold it all in like that but it also wasn't very healthy to cry so hard that you throw up, he felt like any kind of cry involving Ian would be that particular kind of cry. 

After a while, Mickey cried himself to sleep. The thought of Ian still thinking about him was something that made him both happy and miserable at the same time, he tried to use that thought to dream happy dreams.  
Fortunately, he slept peacefully through the night without any dreams of Ian. 

When Mickey woke up in the morning, he woke up to sounds in his apartment. "What the fuck" Mickey mumbled, shortly realizing it was Mandy.  
Mandy was making him breakfast, so he assumed she knew what happened last night or at least that Ian called.  
Mickey got out of bed and watched Mandy make breakfast, "Be honest with me Mandy, did you know he was going to call me?"  
Mandy was flipping some pancakes over when the question rolled off her brothers tongue, she froze and that said enough to Mickey.  
Mickey was angry but he couldn't muster up the energy to full on yell at Mandy right now.  
"Are you out of your fucking mind?"  
Mandy could hear how hurt Mickey was and that was the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her brother, he had already endured so much pain in his life.  
"I thought we were on the same team now, I thought you got it" Mickey said sounding slightly panicked but mostly hurt.  
"Can I explain? Will you let me explain please?"  
Mickey looked up at Mandy who was pleading for forgiveness and he nodded. 

"Ian got really emotional about you the other day. I don't know if it's his meds fucking up or him just knowing you were back or what's going on but I assured him that he needed to leave you alone" Mandy emphasized on the last part, she wanted Mickey to know he mattered more to her than Ian did.  
Mickey didn't say anything he just stared at Mandy and waited for her to continue.  
"Ian seemed really confused by that as if he didn't understand why I would say that or where that was coming from so I asked him why he was looking at me with such a dumb look on his face."  
Mickey slightly smirked at that, he knew his sister wasn't very keen on being looked at for too long, she would get annoyed very easily.  
"Anyway, he claims that you're the one who broke his heart and that he hasn't been the same because of the relationship you two had. Which I definitely had to call bullshit on because I witnessed firsthand the kind of shit you went through, you wrote me all those letters Mick..." Mandy stopped talking and her eyes stung, she wanted to cry but she knew better. A Milkovich never cries, or at least cries in front of people. 

Mickey felt his stomach turn, the letters Mandy was referring to were letters Mickey had written about not wanting to live anymore and how prison was tearing him apart. "Mandy, I can't tell you how sorry I am for that, I wasn't mentally here" Mickey shuffled in his seat with awkwardness.  
"Shut up you idiot, I'm not mad. Anyway I told Ian that I think the two of you just need closure so that you can move on and he told me that he agreed. So I gave him your number, and I know it was wrong but..." Mandy looked down at the ground and Mickey interrupted her, "No I get it, I think your hearts in the right place and if he wants to talk I'll talk to him, it's better to get it over with."


	2. Pancakes and cologne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mandy takes Mickey to go get some clothes, Mickey realizes she's trying to make him look good so he'll go see Ian.

It had been a few days since Ian first called Mickey. Mandy communicated with Ian and told him that he needed to allow Mickey the time to make a decision about the situation. Ian knew the best thing for him to do right now was to follow Mandy’s instruction, that’s exactly what he did, he left Mickey alone.

At this point in his adult life Mickey was used to being alone, he was alone before Ian, was alone in prison and lived alone now. Mickey was in bed thinking about Ian, he didn’t want to think about Ian but he didn’t have much else to think about.  
“You should call him” Mickey thought to himself but quickly tried to get rid of the idea. Mickey knew he’d always love Ian, and that scared him. As much as you love a person, it doesn’t mean that they are good for you or that you are good for them. Mickey was in the middle of that thought when his phone rang, it made him jump, and most things did these days. 

Mickey reached for his phone and flipped it over, it was Mandy and he was relieved.  
“Hello” Mickey said trying to sound happier than he really was.  
Mandy knew Mickey wasn’t really as okay as he pretended, “Come with me thrift shopping?”  
Mickey snorted, “Like we used to when we were kids?”  
Mandy thought back to all the times they went thrift shopping for school clothes and smirked as if Mickey could see her, “ I mean technically but this time we won’t steal them, I have money and you’re not going back there.”  
The word there stung a little to Mickeys ears, but he got where she was coming from.  
“Come get me in ten” Mickey hung up without a goodbye, he and Mandy had a habit of doing that to each other. 

Mandy showed up in less than five minutes, she was eager to see how Mickey was doing.  
When she walked into the house Mickey was in the living room changing his clothes, “holy shit Mands that was fast.”  
Mandy shrugged, she didn’t want to admit that she was outside waiting for him to answer the phone when she called.  
Mandy sat on the couch as she waited for Mickey to put his shoes on.  
Mickey looked at Mandy with wild eyes full of curiosity “Why today?”  
“You need to get out of the house and I don’t work today” Mandy said slightly demanding.  
Mickey chuckled, he knew his sister thought he was trying to back out of going, “I want to go with you, I was just curious” he shrugged and grabbed his house keys.

Mandy followed Mickey out of his place and walked with him to the car, they drove to a couple local thrift stores and Mandy helped Mickey pick out some clothes.  
“Get this flannel, it’ll look good on you” she threw the gray and black flannel at Mickey.  
Mickey arched a brow, “since when do you care what I look like?”  
Mandy didn’t say anything back as she continued to browse the clothing racks for a shirt to go under Mickeys flannel.  
“Holy fuck” Mickey said as he sped walked next to Mandy and got closer to her “you’re trying to make me look good so if and I do mean if I talk to Ian...” Mickey trailed off and walked away from Mandy as she stood there still silent.  
It had been a couple of minutes and Mandy had a few clothing items in her hands as she went to look for Mickey, she was looking around the store when she realized he wasn’t anywhere in sight. She walked into the dressing room area and saw Mickey’s shoes in one of the rooms.  
She opened the door and saw Mickey just sitting inside on the bench, he looked sad but she wasn’t entirely sure what he was feeling.  
Mandy closed the door and sat down next to him, clothes on lap and gave him a hug “I’m not trying to push you to do anything. If you don’t want to go that’s okay, but I want to buy you some new clothes. New clothes, new image, happier you” Mandy smiled as she released Mickey from the hug.  
Mickey let out a small chuckle, “when did you get so corny?”  
Mandy playfully slapped his arm, “shut up asshole, try this shit on and show me what it looks like.”  
Mickey huffed but shooed Mandy out of the room so he could do so. 

He tried the flannel on that Mandy gave him first, he put a white shirt under it and black pants. He looked in the mirror and felt good about himself, “I don’t look half bad” he shouted out to Mandy who was waiting outside the door.  
“Show me” Mandy said excitedly, she was happy her and Mickey were closer now than they had ever been.  
Mickey opened the door and Mandy gave him a thumbs up, “get it all! I’ll buy.”  
Mickey laughed awkwardly, he felt bad that Mandy was spending money on him but he didn’t have much of anything right now. “Hey smell this flannel, what does it smell like to you?”  
Mandy sniffed the sleeve, “like pancakes and cologne.”  
Mickey smiled, “I thought so too.”


	3. I cant believe I am about to do this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey decides to text Ian out of loneliness.

It had been about four days since Mickey and Mandy went thrift shopping and Mickey couldn’t get Ian out of his head. Mickey started writing in a journal, Mandy told him it would help him release some anger and at first he thought it was bullshit but the more he did it the better he felt.   
Mickey was tapping the pen on the table when he got a text from Mandy; she had been talking to him a lot lately, ever since Ian popped back up.   
“Can’t make it tonight got the night shift, you’ll be ok?”  
Mickey scoffed at that, he didn’t need a babysitter he just liked her company.   
“Yes, I’m an adult” Mickey replied as he sat his phone down to go to the fridge.   
Empty.  
Mickey looked down as he heard his stomach let out a monstrous growl. Mickey hadn’t really gone anywhere alone since he got back and he really didn’t want to. He didn’t know why, he knew Chicago like the back of his hand. He just felt a strange feeling about being back, a feeling he didn’t like. He felt stuck again, he felt closeted. 

“I can’t believe I’m about to do this” Mickey murmured to himself.   
Mickey went to his recent call log and text Ian “Hey” all he said was “Hey” and his heart was almost beating out of his chest and he felt like throwing up.   
Ian didn’t text back immediately and Mickey went straight into regret mode, “fucking stupid” he yelled to himself as he was alone in his own home.   
Mickey went to grab some towels to shower and got in the shower, “might as well go get something by myself then” he thought to himself as he was shampooing his hair.   
*DING*  
“What the fuck” Mickey thought to himself as he leaned out of the shower to check his phone.  
Ian actually text back, “Hey, didn’t think I would hear from you” was what he replied.   
Mickey grabbed his phone with slightly wet hands and replied “wanna meet?”  
Mickey slid back into the shower to finish washing off and when he was getting dressed Ian text him an address to a diner followed by, “Can we meet now?”  
Mickey was about to reply when Ian double text him, “let me at least buy you lunch.”  
Mickey smirked at that knowing Ian Gallagher owed him more than lunch.  
“See you there” Mickey replied as he put on his new to him flannel and outfit Mandy had picked out.   
Mickey took one last look at himself in the mirror and headed out the door, nervous but ready to face what would come next.


	4. I used to have a flannel just like that...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey meets up with Ian and endures awkward small talk.

The walk to the diner was a long one, Mickey made it that way. The longer he took the longer he had to convince himself that what he was doing was okay. He knew Ian was the love of his life and probably always would be and that made his stomach do flips. Mickeys palms were sweaty as he grabbed the door to the diner. When he walked in he was greeted by a waitress and he explained that he was looking for someone, as he said that he saw Ian coming his way. 

As Ian walked toward Mickey he couldn’t stop thinking about how good Mickey looked, and it made him genuinely smile, he was happy for him. Ian felt like a fifteen year old kid again, the way Mickey used to make him nervous was fluttering back to him now. As Ian stood in front of Mickey he tried to make eye contact but Mickey refused to meet eyes, Ian cleared his throat “I got us a booth in the corner” as he smiled at the waitress who got the hint and walked away. Mickey followed closely behind Ian and was looking him up and down, Ian looked good and Mickey couldn’t deny it. 

When they got to the booth and sat down they didn’t say anything, they both just sat there trying to steal looks at one another. Mickey was the one to break the silence, which surprised Ian considering Mickey hadn’t even told him hello.   
“What’s good here?”  
Ian couldn’t help but smirk, out of all the things Mickey could have said, he was concerned about the food. Ian couldn’t help it; his hands were shaking as he pointed out the chicken fried steak on the menu.  
Mickey couldn’t help but laugh at that, “nervous are we?” Mickey arched a brow, his famous look. 

Before Ian could answer or react, a waitress walked over and asked them what they wanted to drink.   
When she came back and took their orders Ian couldn’t help but be curious.   
“What made you call me?”  
Mickey looked slightly annoyed at the question but didn’t really blame Ian for being curious.   
Mickey thumbed his nose like he usually did out of habit before answering, “To tell you the truth, I have no idea.”   
Ian nodded his head at that; he wasn’t going to push Mickey into answering anything. “Well, you look really good” Ian smiled as he shifted in his seat.   
“Mandy thought it would be a good idea to get some new clothes” Mickey shrugged.   
“I used to have a flannel just like that, I loved it, had to get rid of it because one of the buttons was missing” Ian mumbled trying to make small talk.  
Mickey thumbed the missing button hole at the bottom of his shirt, “shit” he thought to himself.


	5. I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The subject finally comes up....

Mickey and Ian went through most of lunch without talking about the past, they made small talk and laughed at each other’s corny jokes. Ian told Mickey all about the idiots he worked with. Mickey shared stories about how Mandy was close with him now.   
However, Mickey and Ian shared the same empty feeling in the pit of their stomachs; they both wondered who would be the one to break up this happy moment.

Ian put his card down to pay and as the waitress walked away; he turned to Mickey with a nervous look on his face. Mickey knew Ian was about to say something, his body got tense as he looked at Ian sternly.   
“Have a nice day” the waitress said in a cheerful tone as she quickly walked away.  
Neither of the men even looked her way, they were just staring at each other.   
At this point Mickey had a blank expression, he was just growing tired of the awkwardness in the room.

“I just want you to know that I’m really sorry” Ian bit his lip holding back tears.   
“Mmm” Mickey hummed as he rolled his eyes; he didn’t really think sorry would cut it.   
“You deserve more than a sorry, and I’m aware of that” Ian quickly came to his own defense.   
“Yeah I do” Mickey nodded and then continued, “I don’t want to do this in public man.”  
Ian, who was continuing to hold back tears just nodded and stood up, “we should go then.”   
Mickey stood up and starting to walk out of the door when Ian was quick on his heels, he knew Mickey was trying to just avoid the conversation and go home but Ian wasn’t going to allow that to happen.   
They were a few steps away from the diner when Ian caught up to Mickey and grabbed his shoulder to turn him toward him, Mickey was facing Ian now, his eyes were emotionless, his mouth was frowning and he looked frustrated.  
“Please don’t do this” Ian pleaded with big eyes.  
Mickey got slightly defensive and let out a harsh chuckle “Do what? Leave you? Break your fucking heart like you broke mine? Ian, I don’t think you fucking get it” he rubbed his face with both hands.   
“I totally deserve that, I was an asshole but I think we both deserve to get this over with” Ian cried out, his voice was shaky and sounded like he was in pain.   
Mickey turned to Ian with angry eyes and shaking hands, he slightly raised his voice “I told you I don’t want to do this in public.”  
At this point Ian was frustrated; he didn’t know how to react to Mickey’s anger. Ian threw his hands up and started walking away backwards, still facing Mickey “Let me know when you’re ready, because I’m not going anywhere.”  
Mickey could feel his bodies’ temperature changing, his blood was boiling “Oh for once you won’t leave, what a fucking relief” Mickey scoffed and started walking back to his apartment. 

When Ian got to his car, he started hitting the steering wheel. He couldn’t help but scream, he was so frustrated with himself.   
Ian was talking to himself now, “Why the fuck am I such an asshole? I should’ve just left it alone, it was going great. I can’t do this… I can’t do this…”  
Ian was crying now, hyperventilating, he thought to himself now “Is this how Mickey felt?”

 

When Mickey got to his apartment, he shut the door and started looking around the room.   
“Where the fuck did I put it?”  
Mickey walked over to his kitchen table and saw his notebook there; he grabbed it and started scribbling stuff down.  
Mickey must have been writing for hours, he filled up pages of the notebook when his phone went off and practically dragged him out of his own world.   
He turned his phone over to see that Mandy was calling.  
She never called, “this must be urgent” Mickey thought to himself.   
“Hello”  
“Mick, please come to the Alibi, for fucks sake, please come” Mandy sounded like she was crying.  
Mickey got wide eyed, he was always protective over family “Okay, I’m on my way. Are you okay? What the fucks going on?”  
Mandy hung up without an answer and Mickey was out of the door.


	6. You've always been so smart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mandy calls Mickey to help her out of Ian gets too drunk at the bar.

Luckily Mickeys new apartment was only a couple of minutes away from the bar. He basically ran there when he saw Mandy standing outside, she looked pretty shaken up. She had a white shirt on that was splattered with blood, not a lot but enough to alarm Mickey.

Mickey ran over to Mandy and grabbed her “Who hurt you Mandy? What the fuck, I’ll kill them.”  
Mandy looked up at Mickey with tear filled eyes, her voice was slightly shaking “Nobody… nobody hurt me.”

Mickey looked confused, he whispered “you have blood all over you, who did you kill?”   
Mandy grabbed Mickeys arm securely in case he tried to walk away “Its Ian’s blood.”   
Mickey bit his lip, he was so mad at Mandy for calling him down here especially since she wasn’t the one in trouble.   
“What the fuck happened?”  
Mandy looked around, she looked stressed and like she was ready to lose it any second.   
“Follow me” she said as she walked to the alley near the Alibi. 

As they walked into the alley, Mickey could make out a body sitting against some bricks. It was Ian; he was slightly slumped over, and obviously really intoxicated. He had blood all over his hands, probably from the broken beer bottles that surrounded the alley.   
Ian looked up at Mickey with bloodshot eyes, “Oh Mandy, what the fuck.”  
Mandy had one hand in her hair, trying her best not to pull it out. “Ian, I didn’t know what to do. You were bleeding, and crying and you were…”  
“I’m not fucking manic” Ian got up as he tried to wobble out of the alley and he fell face first into the gravel. 

Mickey turned to Mandy and shook his head; he whispered “I don’t want anything to do with this.”   
Ian had picked himself up and sat back down against the wall “I don’t blame you.”  
Mickey looked shocked that Ian heard him; Mandy was annoyed at how stubborn Mickey was being “he’s drunk not deaf.”  
Mickey turned to Ian who he could see more clearly now that he was under a street light, “he looks awful.”  
“Again not deaf, just drunk” Mandy said annoyed.  
“Why didn’t you just take him with you?”  
“That’s how I got blood on my shirt, he refuses to leave with me”  
Mickey scoffed, he was angry now. “So you just knew he’d come with me.”  
“He told me you guys didn’t get to talk earlier, he was slamming beers down, and suddenly we were out in the alley and he was crying. I don’t know what else to do Mick, he can’t sleep outside.”

Mickey and Mandy turned to Ian who was now laying down in the alley, Mickey closed his eyes and bit his lip before walking over to an almost unconscious Ian, he turned to Mandy and pointed at her “You owe me asshole.”  
“Just don’t kill him, you can’t go back to prison dick head” Mandy smirked as she started walking away.   
Mickey sighed as he scooped Ian’s almost lifeless body up in his arms and started walking home just like he did many times before when Ian worked at the strip club. 

When they got into Mickeys apartment he sat Ian down in a chair as he went to the bathroom and started the water.  
When Mickey came back he leaned down to see Ians face and he lightly slapped his cheeks “hey wake up, you need to take a bath. You’re bloody and you stink.”  
Ian just groaned as Mickey helped him balance to the bathroom.  
Mickey helped Ian take his clothes off and sit down in the bathtub.  
“Here man” Mickey handed him a washcloth and sat down on the toilet lid next to the tub.  
“Privacy” Ian slurred.   
Mickey rolled his eyes at that, “Fuck no man, you don’t get that right. You’re drunk as fuck and did you know you can literally drown in 6 liters of water?”  
Ian laughed as he weakly washed the blood off of his body “you’ve always been so smart.”


	7. I want you to read this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian wakes up at Mickeys house confused and hung over. They finally have a small conversation.

Ian woke up the next morning on Mickeys couch. He was covered with a tattered blanket as he looked around the room in confusion.   
Ians head was pounding, he felt like there was a heartbeat inside of it.   
Ian rubbed his forehead and continued to look around the room “Where the fuck am I?”  
He slowly moved the blanket off of him and he was wearing clothes that weren’t his.   
“What the fuck” Ian said to himself as he looked down at his clothes. He slowly got up from the couch and walked around the small apartment. He walked down a hall to see a sleeping Mickey in one of the rooms.   
“What the fuck” Ian whispered to himself for the second time in such a small amount of time. 

Ian was hung over and he didn’t feel like leaving if Mickey wasn’t kicking him out so he went back on to the couch and fell back asleep.   
After a couple of hours Mickey came out of his room and saw Ian sleeping on the couch, he walked over to the dryer and loudly shut it.

Ian woke up, covering his ears and shooting Mickey a dirty look.   
Mickey threw Ians clothes at him, “washed your clothes, they were covered in blood.”   
Ian sat up on the couch to give Mickey room to sit next to him, and Mickey actually sat down at Ians feet. 

Ian eyed Mickey up and down “Why are you being so nice to me?”  
Mickey sighed and looked over at Ian with pain in his eyes, “Honestly, I don’t even know.”  
Ian saw the look in Mickeys eyes “I can leave if this is too hard for you, you’ve done enough” he started getting up from the couch when Mickey said “don’t.”  
Ian sat back down on the couch, closer to Mickey this time.   
Mickey chuckled to himself before looking at Ian “How is it that I always end up taking care of you?”  
Ian smiled, he realized Mickeys tone didn’t sound upset.   
“Do you think we can talk now?”  
Mickey looked at Ian and then down at his leg, which was now bouncing up and down.   
“Did you get drunk because I wouldn’t talk to you?”  
Ian sighed, that’s not exactly the answer he was looking for.   
“I got drunk because I love you and I don’t know how to say sorry to you without somehow feeling like you hurt me too.”  
Mickey held back tears and nodded.  
“I know that what I did was wrong. I made you feel alone when you’ve been left your entire life. I hurt you when you were the most vulnerable and for that I’m sorry” Ian was full on crying at this point. 

Mickey tried not to react; he didn’t want to cry or to yell so he just stood up.  
Ian immediately felt regret in his stomach, he wasn’t sure what Mickey was going to say or do.   
Mickey walked over to the kitchen table and picked up his notebook.   
He handed the notebook to Ian.   
Ian looked at him in confusion. “A notebook?”  
“I want you to read this” Mickey said with a hoarse tone to his voice, obviously trying not to cry. 

Ian knew that was his signal to leave, he grabbed the notebook and stood up.  
“I’ll change and then I’ll be on my way” Ian said as he walked to the bathroom with the notebook in hand.  
Mickey just nodded and went back to the bedroom and shut the door. 

Ian let himself out, notebook in hand, and pretending not to hear Mickeys sobs from the bedroom.


	8. I feel like I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing we weren’t this way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian goes home with Mickeys notebook and reads what he has to say. This is a pretty heavy chapter to say the least.

Ian got on the “L” knowing that when he started to read what Mickey gave him, he would fall apart.   
Ian knew how much he had hurt Mickey but he still didn’t get to explain himself and that was driving him crazy. Ian was holding Mickeys clothes in his arms, he decided to take them home with him. 

When Ian unlocked the door to his home, he walked inside; his house seemed lonelier today than usual.  
Ian turned to lock the door, when he started crying.   
He sat on the ground, trying to gain composure, breathing heavily and wiping his tears.   
He grabbed the notebook from beside him and started flipping through the pages.   
The first few pages were just doodles Mickey drew.  
After a few pages of doodles Ian saw a sketch of two people in tuxedos, once Ian realized it was a drawing of him and Mickey getting married he completely lost it.   
Ian was sobbing uncontrollably now, afraid of what he was about to read, he had his hand over his mouth trying not to scream out. 

After Ian gained as much of his composure as he could, he turned the page.   
The top of the page was labeled “What I wish I could’ve told you” underneath that the page was addressed “Ian Clayton Gallagher.”

Ians hands were shaking as he traced the words down the page.   
“Ian Clayton Gallagher,  
I wish I could’ve told you how much I loved you. I know I wasn’t a perfect person, and I definitely made mistakes. I tried to be everything to you that I never had in my life. I tried to love you the way I had always wanted to be loved, by anyone. You know, when I was little my mom always knew I was “different” and she used to tell me “Mikhailo, when you find someone who looks at you like you put the stars in the sky, that’s who you belong with.” My mom passed away when I was nine, and I felt my whole world stop. I never thought someone would love me. Until you came into my life, you literally stormed into my life or my room actually.”

Ian laughed through his tears as he reached that sentence, he was trying his best to imagine Mickey actually writing this, part of him hoped Mickey was happy writing this but the water marks on the page told him that he was probably crying. He wiped his tears and continued to read. 

“I never got to tell you about my mom. I wouldn’t have told you about my mom if you asked, you knew that. I always admired how much you respected my feelings, well when it came to shit like that. I don’t think you realize how awful you were to me either. I know you loved me, I never doubted that. I never blamed your disease for anything. I never put you down for being coked out or fucking random people while I waited for you to come home. I loved you, even though you didn’t love me the same way. I know you’d say that was unfair, you’d get mad, tell me I didn’t understand how you felt, all that shit, and that’s why I never complained. I was just so happy that someone loved me.”

Ian paused and closed the notebook for a second, he needed to let himself breathe and process what he was reading. He thought to himself “Mickeys right, I would’ve got defensive, I wouldn’t have listened.”  
Ian opened the notebook and started to read it again. 

“I was happy that you loved me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a partner, someone who I would spend my life with. I know you don’t believe that, I never said that to you and I’m sorry. When what happened, happened I thought you’d understand. I didn’t realize I had crossed an imaginary line that was never talked about. When you came down to the prison with Svetlana and Yev, and you told me that you were paid to come, I wanted to reach right through the glass and choke the shit out of you, because I wanted you to hurt like I was hurting. I was watching you walk away from me, and I knew you’d never come back. I was looking at my child, knowing I was just like my father. I would never be able to be his father; I would never be able to provide for him. I threw my entire life away because I loved you, I loved you that much. Even after all of that, I still thought about you every day. I still loved you, knowing you had moved on with whatever guy you found at the club or bar, or literally anywhere. I knew I was being replaced and I still wanted to marry you. I still wanted to escape prison and start a life with the person who broke my heart. I feel like I’ll always love you and that’s why I don’t want to be near you. I feel like I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing we weren’t this way, and sometimes that’s too hard to face.” 

That’s all that was written in the notebook; Ian slammed the notebook down and covered his face in his knees. He was crying like he had never cried before, he was hyperventilating; his knees were becoming stained with tears. He stayed in the position for hours, as he cried it out and thought about everything Mickey had written.


	9. Is this gunna break my heart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian writes Mickey back.

Ian couldn’t sleep after reading that, he tossed and turned all night thinking about what to do.  
Finally after a few hours of tossing and turning, he got out of bed and grabbed the notebook.  
Ian walked over to a desk in his house and started writing.  
He wrote over and over, he kept tearing pages out.  
Ian mumbled to himself “What the fuck do I say to him?”

Ian had been writing things down in the notebook for over an hour, when he tore the pages out and slammed the notebook down. He was growing frustrated trying to find the right words to say to Mickey.  
Ian decided he needed to clear his head, he got changed into some shorts and tennis shoes and decided to go for a run. 

Ian ran around Chicago for a long time trying to gather his thoughts. Feeling the wind dancing through his red hair was relieving, it reminded him that he was alive. Even after all he had been through with Mickey, with his family, with his bipolar disorder, he was alive. He finally knew what he wanted to write, he had to be truthful just like Mickey was to him. 

Ian unlocked the door to his home and walked over to the notebook he had left on his desk.  
He took his shoes off and turned on his desk lamp, and started writing.  
“Mickey,  
I thought a lot about what I was going to say to you. I spent this entire night rewriting pages over and over again when I had years to prepare for this. I’m going to be honest with you, this is going to hurt the both of us but maybe that’s what we need to do. I’m going to tell you how I feel now, I hope you’re prepared.”  
Ian sighed as he skipped a few lines and continued to write.

“The first time we ever had sex, caught me by surprise. I didn’t go there with an attraction to you, I didn’t even like you as a person, for fucks sake you were trying to kill me. Something about the way you looked at me changed my life forever, and I was fucked from the start. All I wanted from you was affection; don’t get me wrong though I realized why you couldn’t be so open. I just wanted it behind closed doors and I couldn’t even get that. “

Ian was regretting what he just wrote, he wasn’t sure if he was going about this the right way but mentally said “fuck it” and continued to write.

“On top of that, you wanted to kill Frank. You literally searched all of the south side looking for him. You followed that by telling me I was nothing to you but a “warm mouth” and guess who still wanted to be with you? ME.”

Ian underlined and capitalized the word “ME” so hard he thought the pen was going to snap in half, then he continued writing, now faster and with slight anger. 

“You fucked Angie Zago and literally asked her to fuck you right in front of me, and then beat the shit out of Ned for fucking me. When your dad beat the shit out of us, you didn’t even want to look at me, let alone talk to me, which really pissed me off because you didn’t have to go through that alone, you chose to go through that alone. When you got Svetlana pregnant, you didn’t even have the balls to tell me, I had to hear the words come out of Mandys mouth. On top of that I had to find out at the same time that you were marrying a woman, the same woman who was forced to rape you. You think that didn’t hurt me too? You think I didn’t have my heart broken by you a few times too Mick? You’re so busy pointing fingers you don’t even realize what you did.” 

Ian was crying now as he continued to write about all the traumatic experiences he shared with Mickey.

“You beat the shit out of me because I confronted you about it. You literally kicked me in the face, and guess who still showed up at your wedding because they knew you were making a mistake. I did. I showed up at your wedding, we had sex and then you turned around and still got married. I don’t blame you; you did what you had to do. I just want you to be aware that, that really did matter to me and it hurt. I always thought we’d get married and after you had already been married before it seemed less special. I went to the fucking army because I didn’t know what else to do, I thought that if I went away somewhere without you I would feel better. It only made me miss you more; you don’t realize that you “threw your entire life away because you loved me” but so did I. I still love you, but I feel like we won’t ever see eye to eye on this, I’m not saying I don’t want you I’m just saying it’ll be hard. It’s always been hard for us and sometimes I just wish we could redo this entire thing.”

Ian knew he had so much more to say but he couldn’t form the write words to the paper, he wiped his tears and took a cab to Mickeys place. By this time, it was already 3 in the morning. 

He knocked on the door and Mickey actually answered, he had bags under his eyes and he looked restless.  
“Hey” was all Mickey said as he looked down and saw that Ian was holding the notebook.  
Ian just swallowed the lump in his throat and handed Mickey the notebook, he didn’t want to say anything to him that he might regret, so he turned around to leave. 

“Hey Ian” Mickey called out as Ian was walking back to the cab in idle in front of his apartment building.  
“Yeah Mick?”  
Mickey was holding the notebook now and he pointed at it with his other hand, “This gunna break my heart?”  
Ian tried to fight back tears as he turned around to face Mickey and shrugged, “guess you’ll have to let me know.”  
Mickey tried to force a fake smile as he slowly shut the door, “fair enough.”


	10. Happy birthday Mickey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian decides to do something he's wanted to do for a long time.

When Mickey shut the door to his house, he went and sat on the couch and opened up the journal.  
He had seen that Ian tore out a ton of pages and rubbed his fingers over the uneven left over paper pieces.  
The entire time Mickey was reading what Ian wrote he had an angry look on his face.  
Mickey couldn’t believe what Ian was saying; he exclaimed “Are you fucking kidding me?”  
He knew nobody was home to hear him but he was dying for someone to agree with him.

He looked over at the clock and realized he must have reread what Ian wrote for hours, it was almost six in the morning.  
Mickey’s mouth was dry, his eyes were bloodshot and he was completely caught off guard by everything Ian had written down to him. He didn’t cry, he wasn’t even angry, he was just in shock. He fell asleep on the couch for a few hours with the notebook on his chest.

Mickey was woken up to by the sound of knocks on the door and when he opened it he was surprised to see Ian standing there. He was holding something behind his back but Mickey was too tired to guess.  
“Hey I didn’t get to write you back yet” Mickey said nonchalantly as he tried to avoid eye contact with Ian and look around his back.  
Ian just nodded, “Can I come inside to give you something?”  
Mickey looked surprised by that, he wasn’t sure how to react.  
“You have to come inside for that?”  
Ian expected an answer like that so he slightly smiled “I got you something.”  
Mickey arched a brow at Ian, “are you trying to buy me? That’s not how this works.”  
Ian rolled his eyes at that, “I just wanted to say happy birthday. I didn’t get a chance to tell you this morning” Ian handed Mickey a wrapped box.  
Mickey looked down at the box confused and still looked at Ian the same way he was previously “it’s not my birthday.”  
Ian just laughed, “yes it is, its July 4th today Mick.”  
Mickey took his phone out of his pocket and flashed the screen on.  
“Holy shit, it’s my birthday” Mickey laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck.  
Ian just smiled, “Well hey; I don’t have to come in. I just wanted to give you that and let me know when you write back.”  
“Sure” Mickey said as he shut the door and sat on the floor with the gift Ian gave him.  
He shook it a little before opening it and seeing that it was a bunch of pictures.  
As Mickey shuffled through the pictures he realized all the pictures were of Yev growing up. Some of the pictures had Ian in them but not all of them. The bottom of the box had a note “You might not have been able to be there but I still thought about you every step of the way. –Ian” 

Mickey was so happy to have these pictures, “sneaky bastard” Mickey chuckled to himself as he looked over the photos for a third time.  
He picked his phone up and text Ian “How you gunna use my kid against me?”  
Ian chimed back quickly “Not a weapon, just wanted you to know I always thought about you, even when you thought I didn’t. Happy birthday.”  
Mickey smiled as he sat his phone down and thought about what to write to Ian in the notebook.


	11. Happy birthday to you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mandy and Mickey go out for his birthday and Ian is just full of surprises.

Mickey was writing in the notebook when he heard a knock on the door.  
He got up immediately and walked over to the door and looked through the peep hole.   
Mandy was standing outside of the door with a giant grin on her face that got even bigger when Mickey opened the door.

“Hey you” Mickey said slightly less enthusiastic then he planned.  
Mandy pushed through Mickey and invited herself inside.  
“Happy birthday asshole” Mandy turned and gave Mickey a hug.   
“Thanks” Mickey shrugged while lazily putting one arm around Mandy.   
Mandy looked Mickey up and down and could tell he wasn’t in a good mood, “get dressed!”  
Mickey looked at Mandy confused, “for what?”  
“We are going out! It’s your birthday idiot.”  
Mickey sighed as he turned to go to his bedroom.

Mandy sat down on the couch and looked around when she saw the open notebook.   
Normally Mandy wasn’t one to pry but she knew Mickey wasn’t going to tell her anything so she quietly walked over to the notebook and flipped through the pages. Mandy scanned through the pages and sat back down on the couch before Mickey came back.

Mickey walked back in the room and looked at Mandy’s expression.   
“You look like you saw a ghost, you good?”  
Mandy swallowed hard and nodded “Yeah, let’s go eat.”  
Mickey arched a brow and followed Mandy out the door. 

Mandy took Mickey to a restaurant that was new, it was pretty nice and Mickey seemed impressed.  
Mickey was looking around as they got seated and slightly chuckled “Damn you’re fancy huh?”  
Mandy laughed “I just wanted to do something nice and plus I just got a bonus, it’s not a big deal.”   
Mickey seemed slightly off, he seemed like he was forcing something, like he was trying to seem happier than he really was.   
Mandy reached out and put her hand on Mickeys hand “Mick, you know you can tell me anything right?”  
Mickey didn’t really look surprised by that, “You’re telling me that Ian hasn’t told you anything?”

Before Mandy could reply the waitress brought out the food and placed it in front of the high tension table.   
When she left Mickey turned to Mandy and said “He’s your best friend and you’re telling me he doesn’t blab.”  
“He told me whatever goes on is between you two and it’s up to you to tell me things” Mandy sighed obviously slightly annoyed.   
Mickey seemed surprised by that and simply nodded.  
“He told me what he did with Yev. I thought that was sweet” Mandy said as she ate a French fry.   
“Yeah, I was hoping to talk to him today but I guess him and Svet have been busy” Mickey said pretending not to care.   
“It’ll get better with time” Mandy shrugged. 

When they left Mandy seemed excited as they got in the car and Mickey noticed right away.   
“Why are you excited?”  
“I have a surprise for you” Mandy smirked as she started driving. 

They pulled up in front of the Alibi and Mickey smiled “a trip down memory lane huh?”  
“Just come in with me”  
Mandy and Mickey walked into the Alibi and saw a few familiar faces.   
Yev was standing across from Svetlana at the bar and smiled as he saw Mickey come inside.  
Mickey turned to Mandy wide eyed with a smile so big his cheeks hurt “You did this?”  
Mandy laughed as she went to go get some shots “Not me, you can thank Ian.”

Mickey smiled as he walked over to Yev and gave him an awkward hug.  
“Hey man” Mickey smiled as he waved to Svetlana.   
“Hey, happy birthday” Yev awkwardly shuffled his feet before he sat down next to Mickey on a bar stool. 

The two got talking and Mandy watched in the distance before she decided to call Ian.


	12. Ian, we can't.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Mickey finally have THAT talk.... kinda. (To be continued...)

Yev and Mickey talked about a lot of random things before Ian walked in.  
Mickey didn’t notice at all. 

Ian walked over to Mandy and hugged her “does he know you called me?”  
Mandy playfully punched Ian in the arm “No but he’ll get over it.”  
Ian looked nervous “I don’t want him to be mad.”  
“After what you did with Yev, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was in love with you all over again” Mandy laughed before she realized maybe that was the wrong thing to say.  
Ian looked down at his feet with sad eyes “here’s to hoping” as he slammed down a shot. 

A few guys Yevs age walked into the Alibi holding a soccer ball.  
Yev looked like he was saying goodbye to Mickey when he caught a glimpse of Ian.  
Yev ran over to Ian and said hello before leaving the alibi with some friends.  
Mickey finally saw Ian after that and hopped off the stool to walk over.

Mickey gave Mandy a look and Mandy knew that meant to make herself scarce.  
“Happy birthday Mick” she patted him on the shoulder and waved Ian goodbye.  
Ian swallowed hard not knowing what Mickey was going to say to him.  
“Thank you for everything today” Mickey said awkwardly, not normally being one to say thank you.  
“I owe you a lot” Ian whispered.  
Mickey sighed knowing that this next conversation was going to be a hard one.  
“Let’s go outside, it’s crowded in here” Mickey said as he shoved open the door. 

Ian followed Mickey outside and matched his pace of walking.  
“I don’t know exactly how to talk about this” Mickey said clapping his hands together before continuing “I thought it would be easier to write this shit down but we just need to get this over with.”  
Ian ran through the words “over with” in his head over and over before Mickey talked again.  
“I don’t know how in the hell you actually think anything I did compares to the shit you did to me” Mickey said slightly angry before continuing to word vomit everywhere “I went through a lot of shit with my family and I got the shit beat out of me because of you, I got fucking shot more than once and you still want to play the fucking blame game.”  
At this point Mickey was out of breath but he wasn’t done, he breathed in deeply before continuing  
“You’re selfish as fuck Ian. You drive me fucking crazy, you make me in-“

Ian interrupted Mickey by kissing him, Mickey reciprocated the kiss and Ian pushed him against the wall and they continued kissing before Mickey came to his senses and pushed Ian off of him.  
“Ian, we can’t” Mickey didn’t sound convincing enough so Ian went in for another kiss.  
“Shhhh” Ian whispered into Mickeys mouth.


	13. I can stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian ends up at Mickeys apartment... (To be continued...)

Ian and Mickey walked back to Mickeys place, Ian was slightly tipsy but nowhere near drunk.  
Mickey unlocked the door to his house and let Ian inside first. Before slamming the door shut.  
“Honestly I don’t know what I’m doing” Mickey whispered before zeroing in on the distance between him and Ian. He put one hand on the wall and smelled the liquor on Ians lips, it was enticing, enough so for Mickey to grab Ians face and kiss him.

Shocked is the only word in the English vocabulary that could describe the look on Ians face as he lifted his hands to grab a hold of Mickeys face, slightly feeling his stubble scratch against his palms.  
Ian knew Mickey was completely sober, not an ounce of liquor in his blood stream, Mickey wanted to do this, and Ian wasn’t going to argue. 

The pair made their way to Mickeys couch still breathlessly making out and every so often placing a subtle kiss on their neck or collarbones.  
Ian went to lift Mickeys shirt off his body before pausing and making direct eye contact “is this ok?”  
Mickey swallowed hard knowing once they had sex they couldn’t undo it, but he couldn’t control himself in this moment and he nodded, allowing Ian to take his shirt off and throw it on his floor.  
When Ian removed Mickeys shirt, he realized he wasn’t looking at the same body he had looked at years before. Now, Mickey was covered in scars, burns and they were no doubt from prison. Mickey eyed Ian up and down wondering what he’d say or do; before Mickey could speak Ian ducked down and kissed Mickeys scars.  
Mickey was caught off guard “What the hell are you doing?”  
Ian stopped and came back up to eye level with Mickey, their legs were intertwined as they both tried fitting on the couch together.  
“I just wanted you to know I love every inch of you” Ian smirked.  
Mickey couldn’t stop thinking about the word “love” Ian threw that word around a lot. Part of it made Mickey feel butterflies but he was also angry wondering how many people Ian had thrown that word around with. 

Mickey snapped out of it quickly, licking his lips, tasting Ians saliva still remaining on his lips “you gunna get on me or what?”  
Ian eyed the small couch and smirked, “here? What about the bed?”  
Mickey mumbled “less personal” as he took his pants off and Ian mirrored him.  
“AH” Ian understood, he bent Mickey over and fucked him just like old times, no romance, just down to business. 

When it was all over both of them were covered in sweat, Mickey didn’t want to give Ian the chance to cuddle or try something of that nature, so he got up and went to the kitchen for a beer. He felt Ians eyes watching his bare cheeks.  
Mickey turned to Ian with an arched brow and trembling lip “what is it Gallagher?”  
Ian thought to himself “Gallagher huh?” but decided on “your ass is nice.”  
Mickey rolled his eyes before turning back to the fridge and smiling so Ian wouldn’t see it.  
“Oh and Mick” Ian smiled waiting for Mickey to turn around.  
Mickey turned to Ian pretending to be annoyed.  
“Happy birthday” Ian smiled as he was now getting dressed.

Mickey walked over to Ian with two beers in hand, “leaving?”  
Ian grabbed the beer continuing to make eye contact with Mickey, trying to read him.  
“I can stay” Ian sat back down on the couch as Mickey nodded and turned on the tv.  
The two sat in silence for a while until they both fell asleep, slightly touching legs but not intertwined, it felt nice to share each other’s warmth even though they both didn’t know what tomorrow would hold.


	14. I have it all figured out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we find out what happens the night after Mickey and Ian sleep together. We find out a secret Ian has been keeping and we find out how Mickey feels about it.

The sun was shining through the blinds in the living room when Mickey opened his eyes for the first time in the day.  
He expected to see a sleeping Ian still next to him opposite of the couch but he woke up alone, “figures” Mickey thought to himself as he sat up on the couch and stretched while yawning. Eventually he made his way over to his kitchen table and picked up a pack of smokes, tapping the pack against his palm. Before he could make it over to the front door to go outside, the door swung open.

In walked Ian, he was carrying a fairly large brown paper bag. He looked embarrassed as he spotted Mickey standing there with his cigarettes in hand, looking still sleepy and messy haired.  
Ian shut and locked the door before walking over to the kitchen counter and putting the bag down “thought you’d want breakfast” Ian smiled as he awkwardly started taking food out of the bag.  
Mickey nodded as he walked outside to smoke, shutting the door behind him.  
Ian fumbled around in the kitchen until he finally opened the door and asked Mickey where the pans were, Mickey laughed as he threw his cigarette butt in a bush and followed Ian inside.  
Mickey bent down and opened a cabinet for Ian that had some pots and pans “What’s for breakfast?”  
Ian was buzzing inside at how normal this was going “You like omelets?”  
“Not picky” Mickey said as he lifted himself to sit on the counter, watching Ian cook. 

Ian was cooking in silence until Mickey finally cleared his throat before speaking.  
“Funny, I thought you left this morning.”  
Ian knew where that was coming from so he tried not to react to quickly, he put the omelets on a plate and motioned for Mickey to come sit with him.  
Mickey cocked a brow at Ian before jumping off of the counter and following him to the table.  
Ian sat the plates down before looking Mickey directly in the eyes “I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye and I know that’s not what you meant but you’ve got to have a little trust in me, I’m trying.”  
Mickey wanted to bite back but instead he bit his tongue, or realistically shoved some omelet in his mouth the stop from ruining his time with Ian.  
Ian took the opportunity to continue to speak.  
“I just hope we can work on this” Ian motioned between the two.  
Mickey blinked past the anger in his body and tried to speak calmly “I just need you to prove yourself. I feel like I’ve done my part.”  
Ian grew frustrated as he could feel the tension in the room rise, “but that’s the thing Mick, I get that but you have to realize that a relationship is always going to be two people pushing and pulling through shit not just me proving myself to you.”  
Mickey rolled his eyes knowing Ian didn’t understand what he meant.  
“I’m not saying I won’t try, I’m saying you have a lot of shit to figure out before we can do anything about whatever this is “ Mickey motioned between them as Ian did before. 

Ian got up and took the plates to the sink before sighing as he gripped the sink and Mickey watched.  
“I have it figured out” Ian mumbled as his eyes were closed, still gripping the sink, as his knuckles turned white.  
Mickey could feel Ian getting frustrated, this made him feel the frustration too.  
Mickey sounding slightly emotional but strongly furious chocked out the words “You want this? You want to be with a felon, who mind you is a felon because I took up for you. Who struggles to find work and make a living because of that? Because you didn’t want me when we were young and things weren’t so hard, now they are even harder and you’re trying to say that this is what you want?”  
Ian wanted to scream back at Mickey but he didn’t he just sighed as he watched Mickeys lips tremble in the sunlight, trying not to explode on Ian.  
Mickey lets out a cocky laugh “For fucks sake, you think I live in this fancy ass apartment because I can afford it? I'm a loser man.”  
Ian makes direct eye contact with Mickey now, trying to steady his breath before saying something he’ll regret.  
Mickey grows annoyed at Ian not responding yet he continues to speak “Mandy pays my rent for me, you know how pathetic that is?”  
Mickey started walking away into the bedroom before Ian finally said something back  
“You're not a loser don't you ever fucking say that again and Mandy doesn’t pay your rent.”  
Mickey turned around and walked back toward Ian with narrow eyes “what the fuck are you even talking about?”  
“I do” Ian mumbled.  
Mickey looked stunned and suddenly less angry “what?”  
Ian sighed sadly before responding “I do, I got this place for you when she told me you got out. I pay your rent.”  
Mickey was in disbelief “you liar, show me proof.”  
Ian took his phone out of his pocket and showed Mickey his bank statement.  
All Mickey could think to say was “Why?”  
Ian put his phone back in his pocket before making eye contact with Mickey yet again. 

“When you got out, I didn’t know. Mandy didn’t tell me and then one day we were hanging out and you called her and I saw. I freaked out and she told me that you had been living with her for the past seven to eight months and that’s why she didn’t invite me over anymore. She told me you didn’t really like living with her so I told her to let me get you somewhere to live and she wouldn’t let me because she didn’t want me to get involved, you were trying to get your life together again and I respected that” Ian said trying not to break eye contact with Mickey as Mickey stared at him in utter confusion and awe.  
Ian continued “I convinced her to let me get you a place as long as she didn’t tell you it was in my name. Mandy made me promise to leave you alone. I wanted to make sure you were okay so I got this place for you. I told her I wouldn’t show up here, and I wouldn’t bother you and then one day I just couldn’t take it anymore and I spent hours begging for her to let me talk to you.”

Mickeys eyes wandered literally everywhere trying to make sense of the situation “I should’ve known Mandy couldn’t afford these fancy ass apartments” he slightly chuckled.

Ian just smiled, he was glad Mickey wasn’t angry anymore, at least for now.


	15. You remembered?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian comes from work and reassures Mickey that he's here for the long haul. The pair finally go on a date and Ian proves just how much he truly does love Mickey Milkovich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Shedd Aquarium is a real place in Chicago.

The past couple weeks consisted of Ian and Mickey spending a lot of time together.  
Ian would get off work and go straight to Mickeys apartment, sometimes they’d cook dinner and other times they’d go get food.  
Everything was going pretty good between the two, they had a lot of conversations about what they wanted but nothing was official yet. 

Ian came “home” from work to a silent house; “Mick” Ian called out.  
“In here” he heard a small voice come from the bedroom.  
Mickey was in bed, he looked like something was bothering him, if Ian had to guess he would assume Mickey hadn’t gotten out of bed all day.  
Ian got into bed with Mickey and moved the hair out of his eyes, “what is it?”  
Mickeys eyes were the only thing showing from under the blanket “Are we doing the right thing?”  
Ian looked hurt, but he understood where the insecurity came from. Everything was going good, a little too good and that scared them both.

“Mick, come here” Ian uncovered Mickey and let him lean against his chest.  
Ian ran his fingers through Mickeys hair, trying his best to not be overly affectionate, something Mickey was working on accepting.  
“I’m scared too” Ian whispered.  
Mickey looked up at Ian wide eyed, “I thought it was just me” he slightly laughed.  
Ian looked down and grabbed Mickeys chin so that they were looking at each other.  
“I love you, and you love me right?”  
Mickey nodded, but didn’t say a word.  
“We won’t ever know what the future holds but I know for sure that I’m not fucking things up this time. You’re going to have to leave me or one of us is going to have to die or something” Ian said trying to add humor to the uncomfortable situation.  
“As gay as this sounds, I feel like I died every day I spent without your red headed step child ass” Mickey laughed as he messed up Ians hair.  
Ian looked around at the room “did you spend all day in here?”  
Mickey looked guilty “most of the day, I just couldn’t get out of my own head.” 

Ian squeezed Mickeys hand before getting up from the bed.  
“Lets shower, I have a surprise for you” Ian said eagerly.  
Mickey smiled, he seemed happy to hear that “A surprise? Is that why you’re off early?”  
“maybe” Ian smirked as he got in the shower as Mickey followed. 

-Thirty minutes later-

Ian and Mickey were in the car, and Mickey was growing impatient.  
“where the fuck are we going?”  
“You’ll love it, promise” Ian smirked as he saw Mickey tapping his leg up in down, he just couldn’t hold still. 

When they finally pulled up to a building surrounded by water Mickey looked confused until he saw a sign that said “Shedd Aquarium.”  
Mickey turned to Ian with a huge smile on his face, “you fucking remembered?”  
“Was the only time you talked about your mom, you said she used to take you and Mandy here” Ian smiled once he realized Mickey was happy by the surprise.  
“I was drunk and I figured you had stopped listening, plus that was years ago” Mickey was practically out of the car at this point.  
Ian smiled as he got out of the car and followed Mickey to the podium to pay. 

Walking through the aquarium, Mickey was distracted enough to not realize how Ian was holding his hand. He was just in shock that Ian did something that nice for him.  
He was admiring the sea otters when Ian snapped a picture of him secretly.  
“You’re so fucking cute Mick” Ian whispered as there were children around.  
“shut up, there are otters here!”  
Ian just laughed, as he admired how much he really did love Mickey.

He loved Mickey so much, this man who went to prison for attempted murder was now practically jumping up and down over an otter, his blue eyes weren’t filled with pain anymore.  
Ian knew that they would be far from perfect, for fucks sake they were two men who grew up in south side Chicago and nothing is perfect there but if anybody would be close to it, it would be Ian and Mickey. 

When they finally left the aquarium and got in the car Mickey grabbed Ian by the shirt and pulled him by the shirt and kissed him.  
“I love you” Mickey said almost so quiet, Ian could’ve missed it but he didn’t.  
“I love you too” Ian smiled as he went in for one more kiss. 

The pair picked up food and went home; they were getting as domestic as domestic gets.  
Ian knew not to point that out, he didn’t want to put any stress on Mickey, and he just wanted to be patient plus they were practically together just without the title. Ian told Mickey to let him know when he was ready, so he was just waiting around to hear that.


	16. "I promise."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian finally decide what their relationship status should be.

The next morning Ian and Mickey woke up in the bed they have recently been sharing together.  
Ian tried to quietly get out of bed without waking Mickey to catch a shower before work.  
Mickey woke up anyhow hearing the shower turn on. 

Mickey got out of bed and went to the kitchen to start breakfast, he sighed to himself trying to get out of his own head.  
“Todays the day” Mickey whispered to himself as he cracked some eggs.  
After a few minutes Ian appeared in the kitchen next to Mickey “Morning” he kissed Mickeys cheek.  
Mickey looked nervous but Ian tried to ignore it until he was ready to talk. 

The two sat down and ate in silence until Ian decided to talk “hey are you ok?”  
“Ian, I think we should…” Mickey exhaled heavily.  
Ian could feel his heart drop, he wasn’t sure what was about to come out of Mickeys mouth.  
Mickey looked like he was about to throw up everywhere, “I think I’m ready.”  
Ian dropped his fork down on the kitchen table and jumped up from his chair “are you serious?”  
Mickey just shrugged awkwardly “yeah, I mean we’ve been sleeping together and sharing a key to the house.”  
“And you told me you loved me” Ian smirked.  
“Oh and that” Mickey laughed.  
Ian walked over to Mickey and kissed him.  
“Holy fuck this is the best day of my life” Ian laughed as Mickey just watched, love in his eyes. 

“We should take it kinda slow though” Mickey said playfully, not sounding very serious.  
“Yeah sure, I’m basically living here, we’ve been fucking almost every single night and I LOVE YOU” Ian smirked looking at Mickey with a goofy looking look on his face.  
“I guess that’s true” Mickey smirked as he cleaned the table.

Ian looked at the clock and ran to get dressed, when he came back and open the door to leave he turned to Mickey who was still in the kitchen.  
“Hey Mick!”  
Mickey looked up from what he was doing “Whats up?”  
“I’m going to fucking marry you.”  
Mickey could feel his face getting red “threat or promise Gallagher?”  
“Oh I Promise” Ian smiled as he closed the door and walked away.

At the same time, without knowing the two whispered the same words to themselves “Promise.”


End file.
